My heart is broken and it's all my fault. I hurt someone because I couldn't love her as much as she loved me. I couldn't commit myself as fully as she did. I hurt her and that breaks my heart. I haven't cared for anyone as much as I cared for her, yet it still wasn't enough. She was with me through growth and loss. Happy times and sad times. I haven't experienced as much with any other, as I did with her.
I didn't want to say goodbye. It's one of the most difficult things to do. I thought there still might be a chance but I know she needs to move on. I know in order to do right by her we cannot be together. She deserves better. She deserves someone who can commit everything to her without hesitation. I had hesitation and that caused the biggest issue between us. After a year and a half I couldn't say "I Love You" knowing it was all I wanted. It should be the one thing I can say without hesitation and I couldn't do that.
We didn't have any fights that threatened our relationship. We almost always saw eye to eye. It all ended with a whimper and not some blowout fight. That's what is really tough. Not that I wanted a fight to have a good reason to stop dating but for closure. Ending it with mutually respectful feelings and genuine care for each other is better but not any easier.
I want everything for her. I want her to be happy. I want her wings to soar and to achieve all her dreams. I feel terrible that I won't be the one to help guide her to those goals. To give advice when she needs it most. To be there for her through the roller coaster of life. Someone will come along and be there for her. She's an amazing human being with a kind heart. That's what hurts most.